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Polyamory, a Transition from Monogamy to… Monogamy?

In Postmodern Polyamory, Relationship Psychology by Louisa LeontiadesLeave a Comment

I am a divorced woman. Not long ago, you couldn’t say that without having a stigma attached. In certain parts of the world that’s still true. But as attitudes have changed, one thing about divorce remains the same. It’s a cataclysmic event. For most of us it changes what we believed romantic relationships were supposed to look like. Love is not the happy ever after. Like many women, I kept …

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Marginalized Poly People

In Activism & Philosophy, Postmodern Polyamory by Michón Neal

What does poly look like when you’re poor or differently-abled? How do you maintain autonomy and independence when you require specific care or assistance? How do you have safe, kinky, enjoyable sex when you’re allergic to latex or have a condition that leaves your body racked in pain? What is it like to be poor, disabled, and poly? Other than being in the minority categories for my aromanticism, relationship anarchy, …

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How I Justify My Choice of Non-Monogamy (I Wasn’t Born This Way)

In Activism & Philosophy, Postmodern Polyamory by Louisa Leontiades

As a little girl, I was taught that humans are by nature monogamous, we were supposed to commit sexually and more often than not emotionally to one. The opposite to monogamy was promiscuity, a graveyard for  fuck-ups characterized by an inability to commit. It was a sign of a weak character and a perversion. There was no Kinsey monogamy scale and few socially accepted constructs for those who preferred non-monogamy. …

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My Polyamorous Paris

In Local Flavours, Postmodern Polyamory by Sarah Arlen

French people love themselves some sex, as far as I can tell. France has had multiple presidents of the Republic who have “openly” had (meaning been caught with) mistresses. One even divorced his wife and married his mistress while staying in office (but he didn’t get reelected). It’s totally, like, a thing lots of French people do. It’s the norm. The French question concerning polyamory is not about sex, which …

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A Slag By Popular Opinion

In Activism & Philosophy, Postmodern Polyamory by Louisa Leontiades

When you stick your head above the parapet during a revolution, you do so knowing that shots are coming your way. Writing about personal experience of non-monogamy is one way to put yourself in the firing line. Being interviewed about your non-monogamous relationship by England’s biggest tabloid, The Sun, is a better way. It wasn’t unexpected, but still I was surprised by the pure volume of hate which poured through …

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The First Child Syndrome and Metamour Jealousy

In Jealousy, Postmodern Polyamory by Louisa Leontiades

When my son was barely 6 months old, he fell sick. Sick enough to be whizzed away from the island where we live in an ambulance boat with me to spend three days in hospital where he struggled to breathe. He was pumped full of Ventolin to increase the airflow to his lungs and strapped to an oxygen mask. His wheezing pulled at my heart as he grew more and …

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When Your Silence Means Yes

In Consent, Dating & Relationships, Postmodern Polyamory, Swinging by Louisa Leontiades

In a novel by Frederick Forsyth, the protagonist longs to wake his girlfriend and make love to her in order to stave off the stress of his impending death. A pretty good reason to have sex. ‘Sex to wake someone up,’ said my boyfriend. ‘That sounds great.’ But hot in my new found feminist ire I replied, ‘How can she give her consent if she’s asleep? That’s not very considerate …

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A Picture Tells Thousand Words

In Postmodern Polyamory, The Husband Swap by Louisa Leontiades

The photographer assured me they would be photos showing the beauty of our open relationship. He was sympathetic, Swedish and professional. ‘Thank God,’ I thought. ‘No smut.’ But for my partner, it was more important that the shots be natural. Capturing the magic and mundanity of polyamory in a way that didn’t showcase us as three in a bed… since we never sleep that way. That neither boyfriend be obliged …

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And After Jealousy, The Expectations

In Jealousy, Postmodern Polyamory, The Husband Swap by Louisa Leontiades

‘So how do you feel when your boyfriend gets a new girlfriend?’ The journalist asked. ‘There must be some jealousy no?’ ‘No.’ I said and waited for the inevitable follow up. Needless to say she wanted more explanation. In the frenetic activity which accompany a book launch there’s a whirlwind of interviews and articles. And I love them, even if my palms get sweaty and my voice trembles when I …

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A Proper Family Christmas

In Poly With Children, Postmodern Polyamory by Louisa Leontiades

When I first met my blood relatives I was 20 years old and having difficulty in taking in the enormity of 5 aunts and uncles, and around 15 cousins. I asked my grandmother what relation two smaller children in the big family gathering were to me. ‘Humph’ she said. Over 70 and never one to mince her words. ‘They’re no relation to you.’ As an adoptee, I felt an inevitable sting …