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My Logical Love

Unlike many poly folk, I never transitioned into being poly. I’d always liked or loved more than one person. It never made sense to me to arbitrarily limit affection, love, and time into one person. The idea of expecting one person to be everything you wanted and needed was strange …

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Nothing for Granted

Up front and honest. Heard and understood. Let’s both (all) be right. No either-or thinking. Surface vs. Substance. No expectations. Humanity (individuality) first. No defaults. In all things, my values came (and still come) first. I didn’t grow up with stability or honesty or respect. More often than not I …

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Queer Comic Looks Set to Destroy the Closet

It’s 2015. The bleed between high culture and popular culture grows ever more blurry, opinion and news is diffused via social media as opposed to authorised broadcasting channels, and for better or worse, bloggers and you tubers alike hold just as much sway as news anchors and politicians. The UN …

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Calling Bullshit on ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’

“I know a couple who are polyamorous whose entire relationship is based on the principle ‘if I didn’t see it, it’s not my problem’,” retorted a friend as I heatedly debated the ethics around lying by omission with her. Well, as heatedly as you can on a Facebook comment thread. …

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How Rape Play Saved My Sanity

This one’s a doozy. What in the hell is rape play, why would anyone want to do it (especially if they’ve been raped), and how can it possibly lead to healing? I definitely can’t speak for everyone. I can simply share my own experience with it. It actually starts decades …

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Tales of Lovers and Death From a Not-Quite Widow

He was 25. She was 27. Natural causes. Two people, so young. And those two words dancing around my head, taunting me. There was no warning. They hadn’t been deathly sick. Their only shared link was myself. I loved them both. I’d imagined them being in my life until death, …

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Polyamory, a Transition from Monogamy to… Monogamy?

I am a divorced woman. Not long ago, you couldn’t say that without having a stigma attached. In certain parts of the world that’s still true. But as attitudes have changed, one thing about divorce remains the same. It’s a cataclysmic event. For most of us it changes what we …

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Marginalized Poly People

What does poly look like when you’re poor or differently-abled? How do you maintain autonomy and independence when you require specific care or assistance? How do you have safe, kinky, enjoyable sex when you’re allergic to latex or have a condition that leaves your body racked in pain? What is …

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My Polyamorous Paris

French people love themselves some sex, as far as I can tell. France has had multiple presidents of the Republic who have “openly” had (meaning been caught with) mistresses. One even divorced his wife and married his mistress while staying in office (but he didn’t get reelected). It’s totally, like, …

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A Slag By Popular Opinion

When you stick your head above the parapet during a revolution, you do so knowing that shots are coming your way. Writing about personal experience of non-monogamy is one way to put yourself in the firing line. Being interviewed about your non-monogamous relationship by England’s biggest tabloid, The Sun, is …

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The First Child Syndrome and Metamour Jealousy

When my son was barely 6 months old, he fell sick. Sick enough to be whizzed away from the island where we live in an ambulance boat with me to spend three days in hospital where he struggled to breathe. He was pumped full of Ventolin to increase the airflow …

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When Your Silence Means Yes

In a novel by Frederick Forsyth, the protagonist longs to wake his girlfriend and make love to her in order to stave off the stress of his impending death. A pretty good reason to have sex. ‘Sex to wake someone up,’ said my boyfriend. ‘That sounds great.’ But hot in …

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A Picture Tells Thousand Words

The photographer assured me they would be photos showing the beauty of our open relationship. He was sympathetic, Swedish and professional. ‘Thank God,’ I thought. ‘No smut.’ But for my partner, it was more important that the shots be natural. Capturing the magic and mundanity of polyamory in a way …

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And After Jealousy, The Expectations

‘So how do you feel when your boyfriend gets a new girlfriend?’ The journalist asked. ‘There must be some jealousy no?’ ‘No.’ I said and waited for the inevitable follow up. Needless to say she wanted more explanation. In the frenetic activity which accompany a book launch there’s a whirlwind …

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A Proper Family Christmas

When I first met my blood relatives I was 20 years old and having difficulty in taking in the enormity of 5 aunts and uncles, and around 15 cousins. I asked my grandmother what relation two smaller children in the big family gathering were to me. ‘Humph’ she said. Over 70 …

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Inside The Trans World

I’ve been following Sophia Gubb’s personal development blog for the last few years reading how her life has transformed as she’s gone from living in a male identity to answering to Sophia…although her blog doesn’t just focus on that by any means! Hi Sophia, let’s start with trans 101. When …