Are Open Relationships for the Adrenalin Junkie?

Sex with gods, you can't beat that!

For three days now, I’ve been coasting on adrenalin. My heart rate is up, my endorphins are spiking and my energy is at an all time high. Last night I barely slept. And it started when he said, I think I might have met someone. We’re in an open relationship. …

Want to Know How to Lessen Your Suffering?

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Everyone seems to have suffered at some point in their lives. Buddhism is dedicated to teaching people how to suffer less. It talks a lot about detachment yet this can lead the status quo remaining unchallenged. Yet it’s not so much that we need to detach from everything so much …

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Polyamory Doesn’t Have to Be Queer

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Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor. They could be your neighbours, friends, your postman. They might live their lives without drama, or publicity. Above all, they don’t call themselves polyamorous. And yet, they are. As an polyamory activist, I’ve found that having a word to define my unconventional relationships helped in the beginning. …

Independently Poly: Discovery Outside of Coupledom

Odd Man out series - Reasoning Questions and Answers

I know that there have been several people mentioning they’ve always been poly but most often the stories being told are the ones about a couple deciding to try poly or open up. The vast majority of the advice out there is still centered on people who are part of …

Stop Trying To Be Right About Non-Monogamy

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They’re still going round, these articles about how monogamy ain’t natural and quite frankly, I’m sick of them being used as a justification for open relationships and polyamory. Natural is one of those things that doesn’t seem to me to hold any superiority whatsoever. The human race has got where …

My Logical Love

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Unlike many poly folk, I never transitioned into being poly. I’d always liked or loved more than one person. It never made sense to me to arbitrarily limit affection, love, and time into one person. The idea of expecting one person to be everything you wanted and needed was strange …

Nothing for Granted

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Up front and honest. Heard and understood. Let’s both (all) be right. No either-or thinking. Surface vs. Substance. No expectations. Humanity (individuality) first. No defaults. In all things, my values came (and still come) first. I didn’t grow up with stability or honesty or respect. More often than not I …

Queer Comic Looks Set to Destroy the Closet

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It’s 2015. The bleed between high culture and popular culture grows ever more blurry, opinion and news is diffused via social media as opposed to authorised broadcasting channels, and for better or worse, bloggers and you tubers alike hold just as much sway as news anchors and politicians. The UN …

Ms. Captain on the High Seas: Gender Fluidity at a Pirate Sex Party

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Oh Captain, yes Captain sir, yes please sir, YESSS!  Lia is a half Japanese, half Jewish-American, poly queer girl. “I’ve got the Jewish guilt and Japanese shame,” she told us the first time we met for lunch, a few weeks before we invited her to be our date for a …

Calling Bullshit on ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’

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“I know a couple who are polyamorous whose entire relationship is based on the principle ‘if I didn’t see it, it’s not my problem’,” retorted a friend as I heatedly debated the ethics around lying by omission with her. Well, as heatedly as you can on a Facebook comment thread. …

How Rape Play Saved My Sanity

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This one’s a doozy. What in the hell is rape play, why would anyone want to do it (especially if they’ve been raped), and how can it possibly lead to healing? I definitely can’t speak for everyone. I can simply share my own experience with it. It actually starts decades …

Tales of Lovers and Death From a Not-Quite Widow

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He was 25. She was 27. Natural causes. Two people, so young. And those two words dancing around my head, taunting me. There was no warning. They hadn’t been deathly sick. Their only shared link was myself. I loved them both. I’d imagined them being in my life until death, …

Polyamory, a Transition from Monogamy to… Monogamy?

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I am a divorced woman. Not long ago, you couldn’t say that without having a stigma attached. In certain parts of the world that’s still true. But as attitudes have changed, one thing about divorce remains the same. It’s a cataclysmic event. For most of us it changes what we …

Marginalized Poly People

Michon Neal

What does poly look like when you’re poor or differently-abled? How do you maintain autonomy and independence when you require specific care or assistance? How do you have safe, kinky, enjoyable sex when you’re allergic to latex or have a condition that leaves your body racked in pain? What is …

How I Justify My Choice of Non-Monogamy (I Wasn’t Born This Way)

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As a little girl, I was taught that humans are by nature monogamous, we were supposed to commit sexually and more often than not emotionally to one. The opposite to monogamy was promiscuity, a graveyard for  fuck-ups characterized by an inability to commit. It was a sign of a weak …

My Polyamorous Paris

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French people love themselves some sex, as far as I can tell. France has had multiple presidents of the Republic who have “openly” had (meaning been caught with) mistresses. One even divorced his wife and married his mistress while staying in office (but he didn’t get reelected). It’s totally, like, …

A Slag By Popular Opinion

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When you stick your head above the parapet during a revolution, you do so knowing that shots are coming your way. Writing about personal experience of non-monogamy is one way to put yourself in the firing line. Being interviewed about your non-monogamous relationship by England’s biggest tabloid, The Sun, is …

The First Child Syndrome and Metamour Jealousy

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When my son was barely 6 months old, he fell sick. Sick enough to be whizzed away from the island where we live in an ambulance boat with me to spend three days in hospital where he struggled to breathe. He was pumped full of Ventolin to increase the airflow …