- The Relationship Package
Tailored for those delicious life-changing encounters, and those who save them for themselves alone to enjoy:
Concentrates on toxic dating culture, amatonormativity, rape culture, and other relationship and intimacy concerns through the lens of aromanticism. Next to asexuality, this is one of the most widely misinterpreted identities. Explore the realities of this orientation, the types of relationships that are healthiest, and the value of friendship. This will draw from and expand upon material in the upcoming book of the same name. Can be lengthened or shortened according to particular interest and needs.There is a vast amount of misinformation out there concerning the biology and experience of sex. This course fills in the holes in traditional sex education, with a focus on breaking down the myth of sexual dimorphism, teaching correct anatomy and function, and being inclusive of queer and intersex bodies and experiences. Learn about and discuss practices that are commonly dismissed and/or unavailable to most. The possibilities are closer to endless than proscribed. Can be lengthened or shortened according to particular interest and needs.Go beyond turning jealousy into compersion by learning to conduct truly ethical relationships in a diverse and antiBlack world. Non-monogamy is so much more than simply overcoming jealousy, spicing up a dulled relationship, and disastrous first relationships.
Discover the role history and culture plays in the relationship choices we make. Come to appreciate the hidden power dynamics that leave most practitioners regurgitating monogamous standards in their open relationships. The history and possibilities for non-monogamy go far beyond what you’ll typically find in the literature and media. Get a deeper understanding of true diversity across various spectrums from someone who is a minority of minorities.
Here you’ll find relevant articles, videos, and even examples in excerpts from The Cuil Effect Project; accurate information about sex, trauma, abuse, diversity, and health; and learn the true meaning of ethical non-monogamy. If you’re looking for something truly ethical and transformative in your relationships or activism then come along as we explore a depth of love, sex, race, variation, and non-monogamy you’ll rarely find anywhere else.
There exists a fast-growing Facebook group by the same name.
Best done as a series but a brief introductory presentation can be given.This is not 50 Shades, and that shit is not remotely cute! It’s abuse!
But if you want to learn about or discuss kinks other than whips and chains – or alternatively if you do want to discuss whips and chains in the context of US history and the Black experience, then this is the workshop for you.
Some questions this presentation will seek to answer (or at least have fun discussing):
*Can race play ever not be racist?
*What is the deal with rape fantasies, anyway?
*Why don’t more Black people participate in the scene?
*How can I practice kink with chronic pain?
*How do I distinguish play from abuse?
*What’s the difference between a fetish and fetishizing?
*What’s the deal with switches, anyway?
*Can I give worship and do acts of service as a Dom?
*What sort of kinks help with relieving symptoms of mental illness?
- The Metanoia Package
Perfect for those seeking to unravel and reweave their minds as they dance along the liminal edge:
Kyriarchy, patriarchy, sexism, misogyny, hate crimes, rape culture, ableism, erasure, racism, and all of those other terms most known within social justice circles have one thing in common: their root. All the various types of oppression, all the systemic power imbalances, all of the terrible ideas that come into play in many cultures are born of the same toxin: abuse. What is an abuse culture? An abuse culture encourages secrecy, ownership, dependence, confusion, control, division, superficiality, and more. While there’s talk of restorative justice, accountability, and most recently nurturance culture there will be little done if we don’t all understand why abuse is so common. If we cannot even name or recognize abuse for what it is, then we will fail to transform the culture as a whole. This course serves to reveal the different tendrils of abuse culture, delineates the difference between abusive acts versus an abusive person, promotes self-care and support for the victims, lays out steps for accountability readiness, and lifts the veil on history. This course introduces the trauma-informed MIC (pronounced meek) Method:
Decolonize your sex education with this course based on the Sex God’s teachings in the cuilverse. You see, there exists creatures made for pleasure, and the one who is most revered for their care and wisdom becomes the Sex God. Rather than simply being some power-hungry, reductionistically-slutty, or abusive persona, the Sex God nurtures true intimacy, sexuality-encompassing sensuality, friendship, and individualized linking.
- Metanoiac Mind
- Integrated Integrity
- Contextual Consciousness
We are often so disconnected from our own bodies and emotions that it interferes with our relationships with other people as well. Even if you practice safe sex, comprehensive sex ed can still leave out other important aspects (not to mention it is still often grounded in colonized or woo values).
True intimacy can only be attained by starting with the self. This workshop leads one through regrounding in the body, discovering personalized activities for feeding one’s touch hunger, focuses on building emotional intelligence, and draws on research and data from my major (Brain and Mind studies if you’ve forgotten) to educate on the effects of various trauma on sensuality, self, and relationships.
I want to emphasize that while sexuality is an important part of this discussion, it is not the focus! This is an ace and aro-affirming workshop. It is not Tantra or pagan or woo. It is totally revolutionary!This workshop is focused specifically on consent: creating, maintaining, and providing the necessary boundaries and prerequisites for informed, non-coercive, and enthusiastic interactions. Not limited to sexual or romantic situations. Contextual consent is rooted in integrity, awareness, and ongoing dedication to expanding and tailoring one’s mental diet. Consent is consideration of the most necessary order. Discover ways to foster respect and build cultures of transparency.This workshop draws on science, philosophy, and the experiences of the marginalized to provide you with a better understanding of what emotional intelligence entails.
For example, you’ll learn:
*the different types of empathy
*the difference between empathy and compassion
*the logical end of altruism and sacrifice
*how to undo racialized or partriarchal blocks to your natural sense of compassion
*how to acknowledge and rewire your empathy
*the proper role of emotions and feelings in decision-making, as an ally, and in the ways you create and maintain relationships
*healthy versus inappropriate or abusive expressions of emotions
*how to unpack the myth that abusers don’t feel empathy
- The Unveiling Package
Designed for those on the outside looking in and wondering what this is all about:
This course explores all of the identities that get left out. Normally, everything other than gay and lesbian is highly misunderstood, erased, and generally invisible. Learn about aromantics, asexuals, demisexuals, kinksters, intersex, and other non-clear cut queers, identities, and sexualities. Can be lengthened or shortened according to particular interest and needs.Uncover the true history of Black indigenous people in America. Understand why the US was founded on systemic racism. Get in touch with roots long lost. Flip the world back right side up by placing Black people back at the center. Racism is about so much more than slavery. And the history, experiences, and capabilities of Black people are so much more than you realize. Decolonize your science, medicine, and other disciplines by adjusting to intersectional lenses. Why does cultural appropriation matter so much? What is a reparational business model and how do you build one? What the fuck can we do about Trump?
This talk highlights the realities of disabilities, taking from personal experience, medical facts and practices, drug laws, and more. The realities of living with disability, getting assistance, medically-induced trauma, the history of the medical and scientific establishments, and relationships and sex will all be discussed. Strip away the layers of ableism that keep invisible illnesses on the margins, even within the disabled community. This is especially great if you’re concerned about accessibility at events and/or access needs in relationships. Can be lengthened or shortened according to particular interest and needs.
- The Privilege Package
Consists of presentations and workshops designed to unpack privilege and produce accomplices:
There’s one relationship above all others that we humans rarely get to choose or easily escape. One which forms most of our values, preferences, and sense of self yet it’s also one of the least examined and critiqued. While parenting advice abounds, there is very little research done on infant mental health. While the ACEs research has grown in popularity, in general the advice given to children of abusive or toxic parents is to make amends.
Behavior that would be considered toxic and abusive in any other context – financial control, emotional manipulation, power over where one goes and what one eats, control over housing, and on and on – is often overlooked. People are expected to grow and heal from their various childhood traumas. They’re still heavily expected to care for toxic and abusive family members. This course uncovers the most common forms parental/caregiver privilege comes in.
This privilege does not just extend to the caregivers themselves, but also to those who grew up with positive parental influences and thus cannot understand the choice to cut contact with parental figures.This is the in-person version of an online course designed to give allies the tools and resources to become better accomplices. It is meant to take the pressure off of marginalized people in the role of education. It empowers the ally to become more than that, to become a turncoat, an accomplice, someone who can get down in the trenches. It will give clear steps for maintaining one’s mental and emotional health, tools for figuring out the maximum effective form of allyship in a given situation, and resources one can use to research intersectional feminist issues.
It’s easy to get frustrated with only being referred to Google and it can be hard to know which source’s viewpoint to take on a given issue, but putting the pressure on the marginalized to teach you burns everyone out. By taking this course/workshop, you’ll be able to apply critical thinking, better research skills, and most importantly learn when it’s appropriate to give space to marginalized people.
So stop bothering your marginalized friends and get yourself ready!
There also exists a Facebook group of the same name.
- The Media Package
Suited for those searching for richer ways of writing and weaving tales and reaching out:
This workshop explores a new way to write about relationships, race, sex, consent, disability, and sexual diversity in fiction that is sexy, real, and unexpectedly surprising. I want to show that communication, sex, kink, and erotica doesn’t have to be cheap, meaningless, or contrived to be engaging, uplifting, and arousing. There is so little healthy, thorough information on these subjects out there; especially in fiction (even those that purport to deal with polyamory, kink, or queer topics are rather limited in scope).
Cuil Fiction is a (relatively) new genre that makes room for all kinds of suppressed & oppressed stories to burst forth and take form.
There’s room for the trauma of oppression to air out & be properly addressed, but this is also the genre for those who dare to dream: of futures, parallel universes, other—better—safer—weirder—more openly dangerous—worlds near & far where characters get to have agency and be fully themselves, come what may.
It’s a genre where we can break not only the fourth wall, but the 4th dimension—and still turn to mush thinking about a crush…or a squish… and spend time talking about what’s for dinner back on your home planet.
Expect #disabled #romance, & #kinky #aro #lovestories, and of course the power of #friendship & #queerplatonic partnership.
Expect Black girls who get to be princesses, & their suitors of all genders to treat them right. Expect parents who teach consent and leaders who apologize, but expect no apologism. Expect justice to be fought for & eventually served. Expect the chance to heal.
Take what you’ve come to expect & shake it right outta your head! Expect to be delighted. Expect the unexpected. That’s #CuilFiction✨
Each series in The Cuil Effect Project has a different style and highlights different aspects of sexuality, traumatic experiences, and vulnerability. They all compare and contrast healthy and unhealthy relationships, reactions, and states of mind. They are tales of growth, acceptance, and integration. They are meant to be parts of a whole so the more you read the more the overall themes will make sense. Many of the themes (sexuality, kink, sex positivity, polyamory, and LGBTQIA+ matters) are ever-present fixtures in the books. And virtually every single relationship depicted is non-normative.